If you were to ask me to sum up my life right now in one word it would be waiting, or maybe better stated anticipation.  Yes, I like anticipation much better, I think it reflects my feelings more.  I am not simply waiting on what is going to happen next.  Instead I am not merely passive but actively looking forward to what comes next.  I spend my days applying for jobs that I find and constantly hunting for opportunities.  I also am looking forward to packing new experiences into these last few weeks here in Pennsylvania.  But there is a problem, I don’t know how much longer that I will be here.  Technically I’m only promised my job through the end of the week.  The next schedule could come out and my name not be on it.  I don’t expect that to happen but it could.  I could be given a couple more weeks and the first weekend of October be told that my job isn’t here anymore and I’m headed back to Illinois.  It is a stressful way to live.  Not having any control over that part of my future.  When I apply for jobs I pick a start date with no idea if I’ll be employed until that job begins or not.  I have a hard time planning things to do because I don’t know if I can commit to being around more than a couple weeks from now.  I want to set up the dates for the NYC trip with Alex.  I had a great time with him and Craig in January, those two are great and I really want to see them again.  I also would love to make it back down to DC and I need to plan my trip back home so I have a couple of days with my little brother at college.  But all of that is on hold.  I can’t make any decisions for the fall until I know how long I’ll have this job.  I’ve gone through many emotions about it.  I’ve been stressed, worried, excited, apathetic, and amused even.  But at this point I’m just nervous that I will not be given more than a week or so notice and I’ll have to scramble to get things together to go back and I won’t accomplish the things that I want to do here.  Because of this the structure of being strict has been a great distraction keeping my mind off of other things.  I can focus on making sure that I’m following the rules of my challenge and taking care of myself.  Also seeing the changes that It’s given me has been a great positive when it’s easy to get bogged down in all of the parts of life that aren’t so great.  I hope that at some point the powers that be realize that they are playing with my life here and let me have some sort of idea on my time here and how that it is going to continue or not continue into the fall.

Besides the waiting I’ve noticed something else lately.  I pee all the time, not even remotely what feels like a normal amount.  Last night I was up three times in the night to do it.  I know that I drink a lot of water but seriously body get on board here.  I’m sure that’s more about me than you wanted to know, but I felt like this post should contain something about the challenge in it.  Otherwise I’m still thinking of keeping this thing going until next month, maybe even longer.  Who knows I may rock the challenge until I get bored with it.  I would like to have more coffee in my day though.  If I go back to Starbucks that would be hard.


One thought on “Waiting

  1. Yeah.. drinking a lot of water will do that.. but after about a week if you keep drinking the same amount of water, your body will adjust.
    Also if you are increasing your protein intake.. it can also be the cause. Too much protein means your body will get rid of it.. ergo more visits to the bathroom. Can’t cheat pathophysiology. 😉
    Sounds like a tough living situation with the job front – hang in there brother.

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